• Understanding Autism from the Inside

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Random Ramblings-Crazy Week

I haven’t had much to contribute to my blog lately. Maybe it is because I am so tired all the time, and I am hoping that it will pass once the baby is born.  But—of course then I will just be exhausted from having the boys going back to school, and toting the Tot to daycare, and then of course trying to keep up with my workload while taking care of an infant.  No—I suppose I am not going to have any MORE energy when the baby comes.

Anyway, since I have been feeling like I am too tired to think these days, and I don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, I’ve decided to just ramble on aimlessly until I find a direction.  Maybe I will even find something interesting to talk about.

Today I have been thinking about ANTICIPATION; the fact that I seem to get more nervous and stressed out before actual events occur then while they are actually occuring.  Something as simple as knowing I have a doctors appointment (or four) coming up in the week is enough to keep me stressed the entire weekend before my week even starts.  I get myself all worked up, but not for any real reason that I can pin point.

This week was a good example of this anticipation anxiety:  Monday, I had to run around doing errands and paying bills (always a source of exhaustion and stress when I have to spend the day driving from place to place). Tuesday (today), I had to be the hospital for NST (Non-Stress Testing), which is what the doctors will doing twice per week for the next five weeks until baby is due.  They do this for two reasons: 1: I am diabetic, and 2: I am of advanced maternal age: 39. (yes, I know—smack!) So I am already stressing about having to drive to the hospital, park the car, get checked it, spend an hour on a monitor, find my vehicle again, AND drive back home.  This does not feel like it should be as exhausting as it is! 

Back to crazy week:  Wednesday, I have a doctor’s appointment with my regular OB. Thursday, hubby and I meet with a therapist who will be evaluating Aspie Teen (first therapist to agree to see him!) Apparently the doctors here that see adults with autism do not see teenagers, and the ones who see children have a cut-off of about 6 years old—so its be a long time in finding a therapist who will see him.  AND Aspie Teen is entering High School this year, and wanting to try going back to regular school (He’s been homeschooling—with little success).

So we are finally meeting with the therapist on Thursday, and straight from there have to go and registier my 9 yr old for school.  Then, Friday, back to the hospital at 10am, for NST testing, and then to the High School for registration for Aspie Teen….AND It is mine and Hubby’s 16th Wedding Anniversary! I have no plan, no babysitter, no idea what I might do!!!  ARggghhhh!  As you can see, I am stressed about all the upcoming appointments and places that I need to be this week, and it is causing me to get nothing done.  My brain in bogged down, overloaded, and I would like to scream now.

Why can’t I just take it one thing at a time? One appointment, one day, one week….I can’t, it’s impossible and my dys-functioning brain is on overload.

Jeannie Davide-Rivera

Jeannie is an award-winning author, the Answers.com Autism Category Expert, contributes to Autism Parenting Magazine, and the Thinking Person's Guide to Autism. She lives in New York with her husband and four sons, on the autism spectrum.