I know I was talking about this just the other day—Anticipation Anxiety, and how I am more anxious prior to events taking place then I am while they are happening. Well thinking forward to deliver day for baby boy #4 has been no different. I have 4 weeks to go and am now counting down. I do not remember being so utterly miserable at the end of my previous three pregnancies—not like this one.
Not only it is 104 freaking degrees outside today (and this is the only one I had to carry through a summer), but I am feeling ever year I’ve put on. My back is killing me, and I am not sleeping much at all…no matter how long I stay in bed. There is too much tossing turning, rearranging, running to the bathroom, and everything in between to get more than a few winks in a row here or there. REM sleep, forget it, it is just not happening, and I think I am beginning to get psychotic some days because of it!
Anyway, being old, and diabetic, the doctor’s won’t allow me to go one day past 39 weeks (if they let me make it that long, apparently #4 is already read big—oh fun, huh?), so I know that if I don’t have this one on my own before September 8th, I will be induced on the 9th.
Here’s the thing: I AM TERRIFIED OF THE MEDICATION. Yes, I have done this three times before, but always natural, no pain meds, and no Pitocin (except for without my consent after the birth of my second—which was a whole other story). I intensely fear medication, and anything that is going to make me feel drowsy or numb.
Hubby is encouraging me to try an epidural this time around if I need the induction. This to me, although, parts of me say he is making sense….induction is more painful that natural childbirth, my back already feels like it is breaking in two halves…etc. I am terrified of anything that makes me numb.
To complicate matters more, I have had myelograms, and spinal taps both where the doctor failed on the first few attempts to get the damn needle through the space between my vertebras. It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my lifetime—ten times worse than giving birth! So needless to say, I am more terrified of a needle being stuck in my back, and worse—of having myself numb from the waist down, then I am of the added pain of a possible induction…
So ladies, what does this epidural feel like? Can you describe it? Has any gave birth naturally, and then had to have an epidural in subsequent deliveries? Am I just panicking for no reason at all??
Want to share birth stories?
I have heard from several Aspie woman who like me, opted out of the pain meds…and like me, needed quiet. In fact, when Aspie Teen was born, I didn’t want anyone to talk to me, and the sound of Hubby’s voice made me want to beat him senseless. LOL
I n tomorrow’s post I am sharing Tantrum Tot’s birthing story from February 2011—just a short amusing little story.