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The Pregnant Aspie: Anticipation Anxiety-Delivery Day Approaches

I know I was talking about this just the other day—Anticipation Anxiety, and how I am more anxious prior to events taking place then I am while they are happening.  Well thinking forward to deliver day for baby boy #4 has been no different.  I have 4 weeks to go and am now counting down.  I do not remember being so utterly miserable at the end of my previous three pregnancies—not like this one.

baby feetNot only it is 104 freaking degrees outside today (and this is the only one I had to carry through a summer), but I am feeling ever year I’ve put on.  My back is killing me, and I am not sleeping much at all…no matter how long I stay in bed.  There is too much tossing turning, rearranging, running to the bathroom, and everything in between to get more than a few winks in a row here or there.  REM sleep, forget it, it is just not happening, and I think I am beginning to get psychotic some days because of it!

Anyway, being old, and diabetic, the doctor’s won’t allow me to go one day past 39 weeks (if they let me make it that long, apparently #4 is already read big—oh fun, huh?), so I know that if I don’t have this one on my own before September 8th, I will be induced on the 9th.

Here’s the thing:  I AM TERRIFIED OF THE MEDICATION.  Yes, I have done this three times before, but always natural, no pain meds, and no Pitocin (except for without my consent after the birth of my second—which was a whole other story).  I intensely fear medication, and anything that is going to make me feel drowsy or numb.

Hubby is encouraging me to try an epidural this time around if I need the induction.  This to me, although, parts of me say he is making sense….induction is more painful that natural childbirth, my back already feels like it is breaking in two halves…etc. I am terrified of anything that makes me numb.

To complicate matters more, I have had myelograms, and spinal taps both where the doctor failed on the first few attempts to get the damn needle through  the space between my vertebras.  It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my lifetime—ten times worse than giving birth! So needless to say, I am more terrified of a needle being stuck in my back, and worse—of having myself numb from the waist down, then I am of the added pain of a possible induction…

So ladies, what does this epidural feel like? Can you describe it? Has any gave birth naturally, and then had to have an epidural in subsequent deliveries?  Am I just panicking for no reason at all??

Want to share birth stories?

I have heard from several Aspie woman who like me, opted out of the pain meds…and like me, needed quiet.  In fact, when Aspie Teen was born, I didn’t want anyone to talk to me, and the sound of Hubby’s voice made me want to beat him senseless.  LOL

I n tomorrow’s post I am sharing Tantrum Tot’s birthing story from February 2011—just a short amusing little story.

Jeannie Davide-Rivera

Jeannie is an award-winning author, the Answers.com Autism Category Expert, contributes to Autism Parenting Magazine, and the Thinking Person's Guide to Autism. She lives in New York with her husband and four sons, on the autism spectrum.

8 Comments:

  1. I had an epidural and I didn’t feel anything for a few hours and then the contractions came back. They only felt like bad period cramps and then after that I couldn’t feel my tummy or my bladder. I also felt very apathetic so I never wanted to move and had to force myself. The doctors didn’t think I was having a baby because I wasn’t acting like it until they checked down there but it took me months before I could start feeling my bladder again.

    The second baby, I was going to have an epidural again but the baby came too fast and the contractions were stronger and I was nearly crying and could barely move. She came out and I felt nothing. I had after labor and I was very nauseated because I was so hungry and I had to pee a lot. I was full of energy and didn’t feel pathetic. I didn’t have to force myself to move. But we were still charged for the epidural we didn’t even use because they had it in the room and were about to give it to me when I started to crown. Then it was too late and I didn’t want one anymore. The baby was coming out. And anything they bring to the room they have to throw out so they charged us for the drug they didn’t even get to use.

    • How crazy is that? Leave up to a hospital to charge for stuff they never gave! Hubby and I were just talking about this a few days ago. When my oldest (now 17 on April 7th) was one, he was hospitalized for a stomach infection, and we had no insurance. The bill for one night of fluids came to over 1500 (never in a room, on in the ER and that was a long time ago, I can only imagine what it would be today.) But on the bill they charged us $93 for a pamper! I will never forget that! I had my own pampers and they never even gave us one! We would not even had an itemized bill had my husband not worked for the hospital at the time…it was nuts!

      Anyway..back to prego talk. I was tooo horribly nauseous after all births (even during labor) that through my last part of labor and delivery I vomited constantly between contractions (not fun and you cannot breathe through the pain when you cannot breath) and then it continued for hours and hour afterwards. Horrible worst feeling ever, as I am absolutely terrified of vomiting. That was the worst part of labor and delivery for me-ever. A close second (almost tied) was with my fourth, the only one I had pain meds (epidural) with due to a separated pelvis, and took pain meds afterwards which cause massive panic attacks! So yes, panic attacks may have been worse than the vomiting. I was given (I forget the name of the med) to stop the vomiting, and I only allowed half a dose because I am terrified of meds too! Good grief. LOL

  2. Hi two children two epidurals. I was in that much pain the first time prior to epidural (rolling around screaming and moaning) that when the anesthesiologist asked me what I needed to know I didn’t really care! ‘just do it!’. Within 20mins of having the injection I was watching the XFiles (I know!). No after effects as Sharon said. 2nd baby just as easy and for me epidural was first choice pain relief. It made giving birth a lovely calm event which can’t be a bad thing at the end of the day.

    • You guys are the best! I am feeling much calmer about all this already. My first three births were completely natural, no pain meds, and they didn’t last all that long. Aspie Teen (now 14) was born in just over 3 1/2 hours…and the other two right around 4 hours, and most of that was pretty tolerable. I only really started losing it when I was already crowning. At that point, I think I would have taken anything anyone offered me, but of course it was way too late at that point, AND almost over anyways.

      I think the anticipation is really actually worse than the real thing. I will be stressing like a maniac for the next few weeks.

  3. I had two natural, and an epidural for the third. I am an aspie, and hate feeling drugged or numb. I didn’t like having to curl up to get the needle, but the epidural didn’t feel numbing, I just didn’t feel the contraction pain any more. The only problem was that they turned it off for the pushing, and that’s when I needed it most! Anyway, I always wondered if the epidural was the reason why #3 shows strong aspie symptoms, but then I had #4 natural, and she is just like #3, so no more guilt there. I actually wanted the epidural for #4, but the anesthesiologist didn’t show up till she was crowning. Recovery does take longer with the epidural, but I don’t usually have plans to do anything but stay in bed for the next few weeks after giving birth, so that wasn’t an issue for me. Hope that helps.

    • Hi Jennifer,

      That does help actually, I was terrified I might feel numb. I am thinking I MAY give it a shot, especially if there needs to be an induction…and of course now this little guy has done a flip flop and is breech so we are looking at trying to manually turn him (which may need an epidural) or a C-section so now I am stressing about a whole other situation! It is going to be a very very long four weeks!

  4. Ive had three kids. One natural birth and two with epidurals. You don’t feel numb, you just dont feel anything around the stomach where the contractions occur, but still feel the sensation of giving birth and can move around immediately after if you wish. Personally Im a big fan of them. Im a fan of taking the birth as it comes and keeping options open. But I don’t have a fear of medication so its easy for me to take that approach.

    • If I can still feel my legs and can move around afterwards, I don’t think it would be too bad. That doesn’t sound like it would make me panic too much. It is the feeling that I cannot move, that paralyzing feeling that freaks me out. The numbness…even at the dentist makes me have to do deep breathing exercises not to have a full blown panic attack.

      That–and feeling drowsy like I am going to be put to sleep by the medication. I always feel like I have to fight it, and as we all know sometimes you can’t. So I try to stay away from anything that makes me have that drowsy feeling–even Benadryl.

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