I have had a hell of a day! The Tot screaming, my IPad screen got shattered, and the baby was very cranky and crying all day long. Horrible, awful, terrible, very bad, no good day. Then the little man comes home from school and says, “Mom, don’t bother giving me a dollar for ice cream tomorrow. I lost my ice cream privileges.”
The school has a disciplinary system that starts with a green dot (no behavior problems), then the first offence goes to yellow, and the second to red. Once the child gets a red dot, they lose recess–not for the day, but for the entire week! AND they lose the “privilege” of buying ice cream in the lunchroom at lunchtime!
First, I have an issue with the loss of recess for the entire week because it is the only “social” time the children get. Did I mention they also lose recess if they are missing a homework assignment, a parent signature, or fail tests! (None of these things are “bad behaviors”)They must eat silently. Yes–they have “silent” lunches. They are only allowed to whisper to the person next to them or read after they finish their meal. Then they must walk silently through the halls, and while on lines in the school–silence in the classroom of course, and last but not least–last year my son was on a “silent” bus and was “written-up” for talking to the kid that sits next to him. Are you freaking kidding me?
I might point out that when I went to school to eat with my child in the lunchroom I sat there next to him silently because he informed me he was not allowed to talk at lunch. The teachers table, however, was making a racket. Those teachers were chatting, laughing, and carrying on–they should be made to sit and eat in silence not being allowed to talk to their co-workers. This is not normal!
Now back to the behavior dots I was discussing. Apparently, little man’s dot was changed twice today and now sits on red! First he hummed to himself in the hallway–well he humms to himself all the time, and most times doesn’t even realize he is doing it. Dot flip number one. Dot flip number 2, has me nearly ready to “flip”!
The children must mark a slip of paper indicating what they want for lunch (out of the choices given for that day). They have ten minutes first thing in the morning, then the teacher picks up the slips. The Little Man was in the school library (with permission) this morning trading in his books for new ones. He was not in the classroom during those ten minutes, and when he got back the slips were already picked up. He didn’t fill out the slip (that was no longer there), so his dot got flipped again!
First of all, the kid wasn’t there. And even if he was, and simply forgot to fill out the lunch slip, can someone tell me how that is a disciplinary issue? Humming to yourself, especially unconsciously, and forgetting to do a task is not disciplinary, nor should they be punishable offenses!
Forgetfulness does not equal willful defiance, disobedience, or misbehavior!
QUICK UPDATE:
Little Man came in today to inform me that he was slightly mistaken. He was only on “yellow” yesterday, but will still lose out on getting ice cream tomorrow because he had missed a homework assignment. You need to not have ANY missed assignments for the week in order to get to buy ice-cream at the end of the week. It’s getting to the point where I’m tempted to use cheetahpapers.com to make sure his assignments are completed on time, just so he gets recess and ice cream. It seems so unfair that he has to miss out on spending this time with his friends because he hasn’t completed an assignment. Apparently, he forgot his weather log in school earlier in the week so he didn’t have the log done. Again, he forgot something–is punished for forgetting even after multiple discussions about the teacher helping ensure all assignments are written down and he has everything he needs in his book bag to bring home at the end of the day. This is something the little guy has struggles with!
I will be bringing their agreement to help in this area, and THEIR failure to follow through while punishing my child at the meeting on the 25th. I am keeping a list.
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I can understand the no talking in the hallways. Teachers are teaching, kids are learning or doing their school work and it was always a distraction for me and too chaotic when a class would go by talking and it was just too loud. It was quiet and then all of a sudden chaos. But thank goodness it only lasted a few seconds.
And also in my school kids always talked during lunch, it’s their down time and a way to burn off some energy so I agree this is stupid. If a kid doesn’t finish their lunch because they were too busy talking, that should be their natural consequence.
it also sounds like they expect their students to be perfect. Mistakes happen but with autism or ADHD, it will be more frequent where they forget stuff.
I sat there at lunch with my child with all those quiet kids and it was creepy! LOL Luckily he no longer attends that school, and has done much better in a less restrictive and more understanding environment. It really goes to show how a little understand and human consideration and compassion (for anyone on or off the spectrum) goes a long long way!
In this day and age that seems ridiculous. We want children to be more active, but we take away recess. You should ask the PTA to get involved and ask the district to instill a policy on not taking away recess as a punishment. Here’s some articles you can send them.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hayley-krischer/heres-one-way-to-wreck-a-childs-education-take-away-recess_b_4149596.html
http://www.scholastic.com/teachers/article/recess-makes-kids-smarter
I love to read your blog and your husbands. Hang in there.
Geeeeeeez! Find a new school. Poor kids! (I say this realising it’s not that easy). Feeling for you all.
What the actual ****?!
Really?! Silent lunches? no humming?!
I would be expelled in the first day let alone have a dot flipped.
Aren’t there other schools in the area to look into? This one sounds more like a prison, and I think even prisons have more leniency than this one!
And don’t forget getting suspended for being LATE! God, I would have never been in school as a kid if they suspended me for being late…I was ALWAYS late.
This kind of stuff burns me. There needs to be discipline for the sake of character building and it sounds like they’re mainly teaching him that nothing he does is right and that’s tearing him down. My son’s school has dots but they get moved up when they do well so that even the most unruly kid feels they have a chance. And your son wasn’t unruly! I think the only time a kid’s dot has been moved to red was when they became physically disruptive. And they are always reset to green at the beginning of the next day. I’ve had bosses like that as an adult and that was demoralizing so I can’t imagine how he must feel.
Precisely the point I am going to make at my next meeting! They are killing his desire to go to school, and squashing his love for learning–especially reading. He LOVES to read!
As a retired special educator with 32 years experience, this sounds absolutely ridiculous! This does not sound like an elementary school, but a military academy. It is way over the top to take away recess for an entire week for a second infraction. It actually goes against research and good practice regarding discipline for children. And to take it away for all those other things is equally inappropriate.
Your child is being punished for having autism and that is illegal. The whole point of special education is that these kids need different rules for some issues, or different consequences that are tailored to their needs. Would they take recess away from a kid in a wheelchair for being unable to run laps in gym class? Would they take recess away from a deaf kid for not listening?
Do you have an advocate who will help you fight for your childrens’ rights? In my professional opinion, they are definitely being violated.
What does your special ed director say? The federal law is pretty clear about discipline and punishment of special needs children. Here is a legal website that may be of help. http://www.wrightslaw.com/
i think id be ready to start a war party. have you talked to other parents? has that meeting your husband was having happened yet? of course you would tell us if it had…. sigh. id pressure the PTO or school board on these issues.
Not yet, the meeting is supposed to take place on the 25th. I am keeping a list of things to address, and they aren’t pretty.
This reminds me that we have a virtual meeting for Aspie Teen’s needs with his online high school tomorrow morning. I had almost forgot!
My heart hurts for you and your little man! What a way to kill any desire to learn and be creative or independent. big hugs to you all!
I finished your book a few days ago. made me cry more than once, and of course helped me better see my kids and my husband. Congrats on the award!! May many more come your way.
Are you and your husband on MyAutismTeam.com? It’s a great website for parents of kiddos on the spectrum, such an accepting community of people who get it.
They are completely killing is love for school and by extension for learning! AND making me very angry in the process!