Navigating the Holidays with Autism: Part III: Gift Giving and Surprises

Likely the best answer to this question is, ask them. Help them to make lists (with pictures) of their wants whether it be for family members, or in a letter to Santa. Lists that include pictures helps clear up confusion, and many times allow an autistic child to express their desires even when their words fail them.

Christmas morning—a time of joy and excitement for most people, but for those on the autism spectrum the uncertainly can be stressful, and the excitement overwhelming. There may be too many lights, too many gifts, and too much to look to take in all at once. If your autistic child is easily overwhelmed by too much stimuli, or for instance, is unable to focus and choose a gift to open first, try to introduce them slowly. A big pile of Christmas gifts under the tree can be exciting, or very overwhelming.

Sometimes an older child or adult may seem to want to micro-manage your gift buying. My son in particular will make me a list, complete with pictures, prices, and places to purchase the items. Then he will go online and actually put items in my Amazon shopping cart, and check up on me to see which items I buy him. He needs to know when they arrive, if ordered, and what wrapping paper they will be in. Granted, this tends to be on the extreme side, but it demonstrates his need to control his environment and circumstances. When he does not know what to expect, he gets stressed, which displays itself with anxiety and stimming.

Brutal honesty—that is likely the kind of feedback you will receive from your autistic child when opening gifts during the holidays. It is not that they are ungrateful, or that they are mean, only that their honesty is all they know. It likely will never cross their mind to be “nice” or even that their comment about not liking a gift from Aunt Susan was rude. She asked after all, didn’t she really want an honest answer?