• Understanding Autism from the Inside

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Stupid Wizard—Get out of my head!

Just stories running through my head, or my subconscious trying to make me listen?

Have you ever been lectured by a fictional character? You know, when things in life are going wrong, or you are thinking about something, or just plain walking through the supermarket and characters repeat lines in your head?  Or—is it just me?
I am reading the Sword of Truth Series, by Terry Goodkind.
wizards first rule
I love these books! I finished reading the first two books in the series, Wizard’s First Rule, Stone of Tears, and am currently in the middle of book three, Blood of the Fold.  But anyway, the darn wizard will not be quiet.

We moved to a new house this past January, and no one is happy here.  It is a nice house, but there are no children on the block, no one for the kids to ever go outside and do anything with.  So we have been trapped in the house like “bugs in a box.”

I want to move somewhere where the kids will go outside again, ride their bikes, and play with other children.  I don’t know anyone here, and I do not socialize with other moms or make play dates or things like that (you know what we are expected to do), which makes me feel guilty that I am not giving my kids others to socialize with.

The other day I was driving through our old neighborhood talking to my husband about trying to move back there.  I thought maybe we can find a house on the same block or around the corner.  And there goes the darn wizard… “Only fools walk into their future backwards,” he says (in my head of course).

I believe this was a line from the second book in the series.  Great, now the lines from the book are running through my brain.  Everything reminds of something that is going on in the story or something a character said.  But, this line—it just wouldn’t go away, it won’t leave.  Every time I think of going back there, or I want to go back to a time in the past….he pops back in with this line.

I barely remember reading the line, but I suppose somewhere in the black hole brain of mine it was recorded.  It must have meant something to me.  I wonder if this is my subconscious telling me things that I don’t want to hear, or things that I already know deep down but don’t want to admit.

But things would be perfect if we could just go back to the way it was!

“Wizards First Rule: People are stupid. They believe a lie because the want it to be true, or because they are afraid that I might be true.” ~ Terry Goodkind

Argghhh!  Stupid Wizard, get out of my head! I’m being scolded by a figment of Mr. Goodkind’s imagination or am I being scolding my own subconscious?

Jeannie Davide-Rivera

Jeannie is an award-winning author, the Answers.com Autism Category Expert, contributes to Autism Parenting Magazine, and the Thinking Person's Guide to Autism. She lives in New York with her husband and four sons, on the autism spectrum.