• Understanding Autism from the Inside

    “Academics came easily to me. The rest of life—not so much.”

What is my problem? Crankiness continues…

pulling-hair-outI am not sure exactly what was wrong with me yesterday.  It was beautiful out—30 degrees—sunny—yes, 30 was a heat wave here, the Teen watched the boys while Hubby and I went to lunch and grocery shopping without ANY children!  It was a very nice afternoon, but when I returned home I felt completely drained.

Hubby put away the groceries and then we sat down to watch Sleep Hollow on Hulu Plus. Maybe it was the two hours it took to watch a 45 minute episode because the darn internet connection was acting up (all those interruptions), or just the long day of being out and about wearing on me (OR that combined with the trip to the Mall on Saturday—I forgot about that) which did me in…Hubby thinks that my lunch wore off and that was why I started flying around the house on my broomstick for no apparent reason.

I felt so cranky and irritable that I was irritating myself! Then the creepy crawly itchy skin started.  My legs itched, my arms itched, my head and scalp itched! I absolutely hate it when that happens. I felt distant and just wanted to go somewhere alone and tinker until I felt better, which is not a luxury I get often with four kids, two dogs, and a husband. The most annoying part though is that I felt that shutting down coming on and the house was an unusual calm and quiet. The kids were playing nicely with one another, the dogs were calm—it was just ME! I can’t even begin to explain how annoyed I get at myself when everything around me seems peaceful and I am all prickly.

Hubby handed me a sandwich and a drink. (OJ and Coconut Pineapple Rum—Yum!) To his credit, I did feel better after my sandwich and admittedly the second drink, but my irritability was definitely more than just being hungry.  Does anyone else not feel hunger and not notice when they are hungry until they are growling at others? I noticed yesterday that many times  I don’t feel the urge to go to the restroom until it is an emergency sometimes …or until I realize that I am so distracted I cannot think because my bladder is about to burst.  Why doesn’t my brain signal me earlier? Now I wonder if this has anything to do with why my boys have had such a hard time potty training….

Usually when I go to sleep at night it is like rebooting a computer. I wake up in the morning moving quicker, thinking faster, and feeling back to normal. I know I am really overloaded when there is no re-boot.  I woke up this morning thinking I am putting these kids on their buses and back to bed for me! Only—here I am three cups of coffee later after taking the dogs out (damn that 5 below weather and invigorating mountain air) now I am awake! 

I don’t like feeling this way; I have to know why, and so I continually analyze myself to figure it out and try to eliminate as many irritants as possible.   Maybe I need to set an alarm to remind myself that it is time to eat something, and time to take a trip to the restroom, but I think I would HATE the interruption.

Well, I guess it is time for me to go get some work done!  I am steadily tapping away at the novel I am working on (after a long break due to this move), and am very glad to be back at it.  Writing for me is a fun adventure that takes me out of here without having to brave the cold!

Jeannie Davide-Rivera

Jeannie is an award-winning author, the Answers.com Autism Category Expert , contributes to Autism Parenting Magazine, and the Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism. She lives in New York with her husband and four sons, three of which are on the autism spectrum.

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    Twirling Naked in the Streets and No One Noticed by Jeannie Davide-Rivera

    Twirling Naked in the Streets and No One Noticed

    by Jeannie Davide-Rivera

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